Hollywood squares

[Barblich]

Hollywood Squares:*
These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..*

Q..*Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?*

A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!*

(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)*


Q.*Do female frogs croak?*

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under*water long enough.*


Q.*If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be*

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.*


Q.*True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...*

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.*


Q.*You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?*

A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.*


Q.*According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you*think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?*

A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.*


Q.*Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?*

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..*


Q.*In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?*

A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..*


Q.*What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?*

A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.*


Q.*As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?*

A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.*


Q.*Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?*

A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.*


Q..*Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?*

A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.*


Q.*In bowling, what's a perfect score?*

A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.*


Q.*It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.. One is politics, what is the other?*

A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures..*


Q.*During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?*

A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.*


Q.*Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?*

A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.*


Q.*When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?*

A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?*


Q.*If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?*

A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..*


Q.*According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?*

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.*


Q.*It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?*

A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.*


Q.*Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?*

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.*


Q.*Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?*

A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?*


Q.*When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?*

A.. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him*


Q.*Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?*

A. Charley Weaver: His feet.*


Q.*According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?*

A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh*

**
*
*
*
*
*
*

[gibe]

This is hilarious! Thanks, you made my day!