Cat Jokes
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What do you call a cat that likes lemons?
A sourpuss

What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck?
A duck filled fatty puss (Don't get it? Think a duck-billed platypus.)

What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause

What's happening when you hear "woof... splat... meow... splat?"
It's raining cats and dogs

What is a cat's favorite song?
Three Blind Mice

What do you call a cat wearing shoes?
Puss in boots

How do you spell mousetrap in just three letters?
C-A-T

Why did the cat eat soap?
So that when it washed itself it could have a bubble bath

Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
He set a new lap record.

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool?
She had mittens.

What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat?
A peeping tom.

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.

What is a cat's way of keeping law & order?
Claw Enforcement.

How did a cat take first prize at the bird show?
He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it.

Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.

Why did the litter of communist kittens become capitalists?
Because they finally opened their eyes.

What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat?
Hiss and Tell

What do you call the cat that was caught by the police?
The purrpatrator.

What happened when the cat went to the flea circus?
He stole the whole show!

What is a cat's favourite colour?
Purrrrrrrple!

Where does a cat go when it loses its tail?
The retail store.

What does a cat like to eat on a hot day?
A mice cream cone.

What do cats use to make coffee?
A purrcolator

If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on?
Their paws.

If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat?
None! They were copy cats.

Is it bad luck if a black cat follows you?
That depends on whether you're a man or a mouse.

How does the cat get its own way?
With friendly purrsuasion.